There has always been an image of me —
not fake, not performative — just… constructed for survival.
There was the version of me
before my dad’s passing —
and the version of me that came after.
Two lives in one body.
I learned early how to be “strong” by staying quiet,
how to hold grief in my chest without letting it spill,
how to read the room before I ever learned how to rest inside myself.
And that became part of the image:
The dependable one.
The one who held it together.
The one who carried more than she ever said out loud.
Growing Up Fast
As a teen, I slipped into addiction.
Not because I wanted chaos —
but because sometimes silence hurts worse than pain.
I learned to numb.
I learned to disappear into coping.
I learned that surviving and living aren’t the same thing.
Then came toxic relationships —
places where love meant endurance,
where I kept trying to earn worth I already deserved.
More layers added to the image:
Resilient.
Tough.
Recovering — but still bracing.
Motherhood & The Weight of Expectations
Motherhood changed everything.
Every crack mattered differently.
Every choice carried echoes.
And still — I tried to hold the image together:
The “good mom.”
The one who absorbs the storm.
The one who doesn’t break.
Even while healing
I’ve faced the hard truths:
The emotional battles.
The behavior struggles.
The parts of parenting people don’t talk about in public.
Healing doesn’t erase the hard things.
Sometimes — it brings them forward.
The Job That Broke the Illusion
I spent years inside a toxic workplace —
pouring loyalty into a system that did not value my humanity.
I kept the image:
Reliable.
Quiet.
Strong enough to take it.
Until the end forced a choice:
Lose myself —
or choose myself.
I chose me.
And that decision cracked the image wide open.
The Grief That Changed My Direction
In 2025
I grieved the mother I wished I had
and the version of me who had to survive without her.
I stopped pretending the past was softer than it was.
I stopped filtering my reality
through the comfort of other people.
Grief didn’t make me bitter.
It made me honest.
What I’m Leaving Behind
I am leaving the image in 2025:
The one who shrinks to stay acceptable.
The one who lowers her volume to avoid conflict.
The one who makes herself small
so no one else has to feel uncomfortable.
I am not carrying that into 2026.
I am standing firm in my boundaries.
I am breaking cycles — on purpose.
I am supporting my mission — fully, unapologetically.
I am building a life that is allowed to be real.
What This Year Will Be
This year is about:
truth instead of performance
strength without self-abandonment
healing that does not silence reality
parenting with courage instead of shame
art that comes from lived experience — not image-maintenance
I am not dimming myself anymore.
I am choosing clarity over comfort —
growth over approval —
integrity over familiarity.
This song — Behind the Image — is my turning point.
It is not a goodbye to who I was.
It is a return to who I am.
